What Could Go Wrong

Pete Hegseth strutted the stage, saluting, Douglas MacArthur-style, in front of a wall-sized Old Glory, preaching the gospel of lethality to America’s low T military, demanding “no fatties, no trannies, no beardos, no weirdos, no wimps, no radicals.”

It’s a great clip for Fox, NewsMax and OAN.

His boss declared victory and an imminent end to the Iran war on March 1. And some 40 times since. That’s 40 victories! All in seven months. And the good news is, we’re still not tired of winning.

Cloaked in “the full armor of God,” Pistol Pete praised the war “that every red-blooded American is proud of.”

But with the Strait of Hormuz in a straitjacket and gasoline prices in the stratosphere, hemoglobin seems to be in as short supply among the public as testosterone is among our troops. Two-thirds of Americans oppose the war.

Obviously, they are being led astray by the treasonous, “anti-American losers in our media.”

But not to worry: The recent co-host of Fox & Friends Weekend has a plan: He’s creating a new “Autonomous Warfare Command” (AutoWarCom) so bots can do the targeting and kill without interference by wimpy humans.

At last, the age-old dream, warfare free of moral qualms. As an added bonus, robots don’t need testosterone boosters!

This exciting new age of Unilateral Assured Destruction, of course, demands sagacious guidance. So advising Project Meridian on the future of warfare are Newt Gingrich, on ice since the Clinton administration; Palmer Luckey, Matt Gaetz’s brother-in-law and a virtual reality and autonomous warfare mogul; and, of course, ketamine-powered Elon Musk, fresh from wiping out USAID. Musk believes humanity needs a Plan B—a colony on Mars—in case a world war or Grok devastates Earth. No doubt, the trillionaire will be among the handful of surviving colonists.

What could go wrong.