Gregory Wischer

President Donald J. Trump, in his tireless quest to Make America Great Again, has prioritized transforming the now affordable East Potomac Golf Course in Washington, DC into an upscale, championship Golf of America. 

After all, what else would a GOAT president be doing?

Gregory Wischer is a loyal soldier. As deputy chief of staff of the US Department of the Interior, he so wanted to impress his big boss and this was his chance.

But Wischer had a problem. Federal Judge Ana Reyes, who’d already been given ample reason to not trust the administration, barred officials from removing any trees or doing other major alterations on the course without contacting her first.

So, being a law-abiding patriot, Wischer notified Reyes—at 4:55pm on a Friday afternoon, right before a holiday weekend. And before she could contemplate the government’s plan, crews were dispatched and chopped down 529 trees the very next morning. 

When pressed, administration officials couldn’t point to any emergency that would justify the rush. In fact, some admitted that they knew about the deforestation plans several weeks in advance. 

Judge Reyes sought to have Wischer explain himself under oath. But, hey, it was a holiday weekend and government lawyers said they couldn’t reach him. Being a dedicated public servant, Wischer was surely occupied with the people’s business, perhaps doing an onsite study of how the greens break at Mar-a-Lago?